Agent of Chaos
by HalloweenJack
Summary: Reality is a crazy thing. Actually it's pretty subjective.
1. Mary Sue: What a Concept

Hey, guess what? I own NOTHING! THIS STORY IS DISCLAIMED! DISCLAIMED!

Well, I take that back. I (and a certain ebony goddess) own Mary. And I'll take on anyone who says otherwise ya hear!

Now onto the magic.

* * *

"Oh my God!" Buffy Summers said as she saw her younger sister exit the plane.

Don't get her wrong. She was happier to see Dawn than anyone in the world. She had been terrified for her safety after hearing what the mutant terrorist Magneto had done to New York. Still her sister's appearance was rather…shocking.

Spike raised an eyebrow.

"The Bit certainly has changed."

Dawn walked out of the private plane (provided by the Worthington Foundation) in clothes that Buffy had never thought possible for her sister to wear. For starters, Dawn was wearing fishnets: FISHNETS! That and the skirt was so short that Faith wouldn't consider wearing it. But that made sense. Faith was more of a leather pants girl anyway. The shirt was a simple t-shirt though it was black (not the usual Dawnie color) and it exposed her midriff.

"Is she wearing…" Willow said squinting.

Spike smirked.

"A Ramones shirt. Always knew that girl had taste."

Buffy didn't add anything to the conversation. She just stared at her sister's hair.

"Hey Buffy!" Dawn said, walking up to her sister and embracing her tightly.

"It's…. green! You've been soaked in Gamma Rays!" Buffy stammered.

"Yeah! Way cool huh? Jean helped me dye it!" Dawn squealed enthusiastically.

"You've gone punk." Tara said, "I like it."

"Thanks Tara. Girl's gotta change her style every now and then." Dawn smiled.

"Tell me about it. The only time I wear dresses or peasant tops is around the house." Tara replied.

"That's because your ass looks good in leather." Willow said to her telepathically.

"Don't I know it."

"MY sister…is a punk…" Buffy said, almost going cross-eyed.

Dawn frowned.

"You don't like it?" she asked.

"No…I like it. It's just…I need time to get used to it." Buffy replied honestly.

"Why? Spike's a punk. You like his style."

"Beg to differ: I'm not A punk. I AM punk. Also I think the look is quite fetching. You an me'll go start some bar fights soon." Spike added, "Got a hug for me Nibblit?"

Dawn hugged Spike as hard as she did Buffy.

"I so missed you guys. Xavier's is fun, but I still miss being here." Dawn said as she looked at her family.

"Where's Connor? I thought he'd be here." Willow asked.

"Well he decided to stay in New York and help out the X-Men. Alex figured he had a lot of combat experience and they could use it. We don't know anything about Scott or Jean yet." Dawn said, suddenly becoming quiet.

"They'll be okay. We'll just wait to get a call." Buffy said, putting a hand on her sister's shoulder, "Maybe we can even get Willow to have Dr. Strange look for them."

"Yeah. I'll call him as soon as we get home. We'll both look into it." Willow smiled warmly.

"Can you tell him to keep an eye on Alex and Connor too?" Dawn asked.

"No problem." Willow smiled.

"So Dawn, tell us all about Xavier's. We read about it on the net. Spike even went to the message boards on its website I think." Tara said.

"Yeah. Heh. Got a story to tell you about that one. Hilarious." Spike grinned.

The look on Mazikeen's face had been priceless when Juggernaut walked into Lux after receiving emails from "her" calling him a pussy assed bastard.

"Well let's see. I met some new friends, got possessed while I was there, took some classes. Standard stuff." Dawn said.

"Did you just say you got possessed?" Buffy asked.

"Like you never have! Besides, it was only for like an hour. Professor Xavier and this cutie named Kaworu took care of it." Dawn replied.

"What about your nose?" Spike asked, just now noticing the bandage.

"Yeah, I was going to ask about that after the shock of your hair wore off. What happened?" Buffy asked as well.

"Guy named Sabretooth hit me. Don't worry. Juggernaut took care of him." Dawn explained, "Plus I figure Willow and Tara got some spell to take care of it."

Then she stopped walking with the others and just realized something.

"Where's everyone else?" she questioned.

"Well, school's started so Principal Wood is…. Principaling. He's working late. I still have my counseling job too. Yay me." Buffy grinned, "Kennedy is at home resting. She had a run in with a vampire the other night and lost some blood. She's trying to recover."

"Well I was actually wondering more about Xander."

It got quiet.

"Dawnie…it's the day." Buffy stated.

"What day? What do you mean?" Dawn asked.

Willow stepped in.

"Dawn, Anya died six months ago today." She explained.

"Oh my God. I totally forgot." Dawn said covering her mouth, "That sounds insensitive, like I forgot she was ever here."

"No it wasn't. I just think we keep forgetting she's gone. It's like when…well when you guys died." Willow said gesturing to Tara and Buffy.

"Shouldn't we be there for Xander? I mean he might need us." Dawn questioned.

"It's okay Dawn. Xander's all right. He's good." Buffy said.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

"I'm tired and I want to go home. Head straight to my bed. I had another drink about an hour ago and it went straight to my head!" Xander sang off key in a booth.

An assortment of bottles and glasses lay before him as the world spun.

"Here's to ya An!" he said, taking a shot of Tequila, "Ew. This stuff sucks ass….how much more do I have?"

Xander smirked and poured another shot. He downed it and again grimaced in disgust.

"Man this is like a train wreck. It's horrible but I can't look away…or stop drinking it. That was funny. More people should hear me be funny. I'm a funny guy. Funniest guy alive. Also the drunkest. Drunkest…that's a funny word. To drunkestness…. I know that can't be a word." Xander said before taking another shot, "Oh man this stuff sucks."

"You're supposed to take salt and lemon with it Harris. Leave it to me to save your ass yet again." A voice said from beside the booth.

Xander looked over and the sight of this woman sober would have made him horny, much less the sight of her with beer goggles on. She had dark skin, obviously Latina or at least with some Hispanic blood in her. You wouldn't know it by what else she wore. Dirty, scuffed up cowboy boots adorned her feet while her lower body had on the smallest and tightest pair of Daisy Dukes he had ever seen on a woman. Half of a white wifebeater was on her torso…showing that she was very ample in that area. She had long and obviously bleached blonde hair that clung to her shoulders and brown eyes that could make a gay man go straight. She sat down in the booth right across from Xander and smirked at him in a way that made him glad to be a guy.

Then recognition hit him even in his drunken state.

"Mary…Mary Sanchez. Long time no see." Xander smiled.

"Yeah. I've been away for so long." Mary said with sarcasm that was lost on the inebriated heart of the Scooby Gang.

"Haven't seen you in…since the big snake." Xander hiccupped.

Mary smirked again.

"How long have you been drinking?" she asked.

"Two hours or so."

"And you're already tipsy? Pussy." Mary laughed, leaning forward elbows on the table.

"Yeah? I'd like to see you drink what I have." Xander retorted.

At that, Mary grabbed the bottle of Tequila on the table and drank straight from the bottle. She chugged the whole damned thing down in front of Xander whose eyes pretty much told the story.

"Damn." Xander struggled for words.

Mary let loose an unladylike belch and wiped her mouth.

"Yeah. I get that from dad I guess. So what got you in the mood to drink by yourself?" Mary asked.

Xander pondered this incredibly hot woman in front of him. He'd known her from high school but was never really on speaking terms with her. She was from a different clique than he was. He helped fight the monsters, she got high, drunk, and laid all the time. Two different worlds.

Don't get him wrong, he'd always wanted to get to know her better, perhaps in the Biblical sense, but it was odd that someone he hadn't seen in about five years came up to him and asked his problems. Still, she was hot and Xander was drunk.

"Oh, just her. She's gone. Gone away." Xander sighed, not really explaining much, though Mary nodded and seemed to understand.

"Don't worry Xand. She'll be back." Mary said with a reassuring smile.

"No! No you don't understand! She's gone for good. I'm never going to see her again. I just wish she didn't leave me like that. I miss her so much." Xander said sadly.

"It'll be okay." Mary said, putting her hand on his.

"I love her. I still do. Why'd she have to go?" he asked.

"You want advice, go to ma. I'm the one who fights and gets laid." Mary sighed.

"What the hell did that mean?" Xander wondered for all of three seconds.

Then he nearly slipped out of the booth.

"Whoa!" Mary said, getting out of the booth quickly and keeping him from falling out, "Maybe you should give it a rest for a while?"

"I'm fine." Xander slurred, "I'm fine and dandy."

"You're shitfaced." Mary replied.

"Perhaps so. But I'm still not shitfaced enough." Xander retorted.

"You need to go home." Mary explained.

"I'm fine. Just help me back into the booth."

"Xander."

"No seriously. Get me in the booth."

"I'm taking you home."

"Don't wanna go home. Wanna drink some more."

"Xander come on."

"No!"

"….We can fuck for a while if we leave."

"Let's go to my place."

"Neat new digs. When'd you get this place?" Mary asked.

"Oh I've had it for a while." Xander said, lying on the bed struggling to stay awake.

"It's cleaner than I thought you'd be." Mary said looking at the boxers on the floor, "Cleaner than I am. I swear dad's such a woman when it comes to a place being clean."

"Dad issues…I got those." Xander hiccupped.

"Yeah, trying to be just like him I see." Mary grinned as she shuffled through his CDs.

"Trying to be the opposite actually. Like it matters though." Xander sighed, "Life sucks."

"Tends to." Mary said as she put a CD in the stereo system.

Xander closed his eyes and then opened them again as a pulsing beat came across the speakers full blast.

"You let me violate you. You let me desecrate you. You let me penetrate you. You let me complicate you." The song spat out slowly.

"Hey Mary…I like Nine Inch Nails as much as anybody else but I don't want to get kicked out for a noise complaint." Xander said sitting up just Mary's wifebeater hit his face.

She licked her lips and smirked.

"Shouldn't have brought me home then."

This all occurred at roughly 10:30 pm. By 3 am, Xander was very sober and very, very happy.

"OH. MY. GOD!" Xander smiled hugely, "That was the absolute best sex I have ever…EVER had in my life!"

"Make a girl blush why don't ya." Mary said, pulling a pack of cigarettes from her Daisy Dukes back pocket, "And don't be modest. You were holding back with me tonight."

"If I went any harder I would have gotten hurt." Xander said incredulously.

Mary smiled and lit up.

"Yeah and then I'd have to kiss it better. I think I like the idea of hurting you." Mary smirked, "Cig?"

"I'm good." Xander declined.

"K. Too bad we don't have some weed. Or some vodka. I'm thirsty as hell now." Mary admitted.

"Yeah. Me too. I can check the fridge and see what I got here." Xander said.

"Don't bother." Mary explained.

Her eyes went yellow and her teeth grew. Her forehead brows expanded and soon Xander realized he was in bed, naked, having just had sex with a vampire.

Three thoughts shot through his head.

1) No wonder Buffy went for dead guys!

2) Just my luck…AGAIN.

3) Oh shit.

"We got all we need right here baby." Mary cooed.

* * *

Across town, there was a vampire attack. Rather standard really. Someone stupid was outside late at night in the wrong place at the wrong time. Case in point, a lone vampire had cornered a young woman and had chased her down an alley. She screamed in fear as the demon licked its lips and stared at her.

"Mm mm mm. Baby, you look good enough to eat." The vampire grinned.

"Please. Let me go! I'll pay you! Please!" the women pleaded.

"Oh no. I got you where I want you." The vampire growled.

"Let the woman go." A commanding voice ordered from behind.

The vampire turned and saw another person behind him. From his posture it was obvious he was a vampire. He was wearing a leather jacket. He instinctively knew it had to be the Slayer's lapdog.

"Funny. I thought you'd be taller." The vampire smirked trying to intimidate the newcomer.

"Ooh, a joke. Funny. Almost as funny as me ripping your head off."

The vampire strode forward.

"Oh you gonna tear my head off fangless? That it?"

"Yep. I think I will." Came the cocky reply.

The vampire blurred and attacked the newcomer…and was thrown across the alley into the brick wall. His face was full of shock when his head was torn from his body and he crumbled to dust.

"Told you I'd tear your head off. Fledglings. I swear."

The woman inched closer to her savior.

"Oh my God! Thank you for saving me." She said, full of joy.

The newcomer turned in full game face making the woman scream again.

"You're welcome, bitch. Now start screaming." He growled.

The woman screamed again and ran, with the vampire calmly strolling behind her. There had to be an escape. There just had to be. She tripped and fell as she reached the alley's entrance. The woman struggled to rise again when she noticed the stiletto-heeled boot in her line of sight. She followed the boot up the leg, which were concealed in tight leather. Further up was tight bodice that pushed the feminine figure's breasts up. The woman whimpered when she saw the look of amusement on the new female's face. Her pale, pale face accentuated by her crop of bright red hair. The amusement abruptly left the new woman's face.

"Bored now." She sighed.

The vampire in the alley chuckled, "We'll just have to do something about that won't we Will?"

The female's face turned as she locked eyes with her mate. How she adored him.

"Play now?" she asked, almost child-like.

"Oh yeah. Definitely." He replied.

The woman on the ground was hefted into the air and her neck was violently ripped into on both sides by the two vampires. She was dead in less than a minute, feeding her new attackers.

The two dropped her lifeless body and locked their mouths into a painful kiss, accentuated by the woman's blood. Finally they broke it.

"Being dead and dust was no fun. This dead's better." She pouted then smiled mischievously.

"Oh yeah. This beats the hell out of Hell." Her mate grinned, "I love you Willow."

"Forever and ever?"

"And then some." He said gripping her roughly, obscenely.

"MMM. I love you Xander."

"Let's get back home. Getting late." The vampire who was (yet how could he be?) Xander Harris said.

"Oh, it's early. I wanna have some more fun." The mockery of Willow Rosenberg pouted.

"What? Torturing people in cages isn't fun anymore?" Xander smirked maliciously.

"Mmm, I'm sold. Maybe Master has picked me out a new puppy." She said, sing song.

"Mm. Now you're just trying to get me excited."

"Nuh uh. This does it though."

The Willow vampire licked the neck and cheek of the Xander vampire and grinned.

"Yeah. That does it."

* * *

Did you get that? Okay, back across town again….

"STAY AWAY FOUL DEMONESS!" Xander said making a cross with his fingers.

Mary laughed at that.

"Yeah, well smart ass that's not a perfect cross." Mary smirked as she crawled across the bed seductively.

A very nude Xander stood, back against the wall vainly trying to ward her off.

"I mean it! Stay back! I'm a friend of the Slayer! She doesn't like people trying to eat her friends!" Xander said in fright.

Mary cocked her head and laughed.

"Man I haven't seen you this afraid since the night we…wait a minute." Mary said narrowing her eyes at Xander.

She inhaled sharply and listened intently. Her eyes went wide and were full of anger.

"What the hell is going on here?!" she hissed.

"Oh shit. She's mad." Xander thought.

Mary was up in a flash and had Xander by the throat holding him up against the wall, six inches off the ground.

"Is this some sort of game you're pulling? To get in my pants? Oh you little bastard. You could have asked and I would have, but since you decided to trick me into it, I'm going to have your guts for garters. Literally." Mary growled.

"Mother." Xander whined.

* * *

"Oh yes Spike. Go out and check on the whelp. Dawn's worried about him and since you're nocturnal anyway it's just a little swing across town. Be there and be back." Spike grumbled as he walked towards Xander's apartment smoking a cigarette, "Bloody women. They're all damned well lucky that I have a weakness for Summers women. They could just wake up Red and she could zip over here on her bloody broomstick. But no, have no fear Spike can do it. If the Nance can't get himself on the right side so he doesn't choke on his vomit it's not my problem."

Spike's keen ears picked up the sound of a door being broken in. And he knew it came from Xander's apartment just up the sidewalk. He sighed and tossed his cigarette.

"Bollocks. What kind of trouble has he gotten himself into now? I am not saving his ass if he's made every women in town fall in love with him again or he's split himself in two." Spike sighed again, "Being a bad guy was so much easier."

And with that, the vampire shot off at preternatural speeds and leapt for Xander's balcony.

Xander flew the air and impacted his couch. He cringed when he looked up to the face of the vampire that was about to kill him. Still, she had a nice rack. Then he slapped himself for thinking about that when he was going to die.

He winced when the windows behind him exploded inwards and Spike rolled in and rose ready to fight. He took in the sight of the naked female vampire and smirked.

"Must say you have taste Harris, but you need to lay off the demon women." Spike laughed, "And for God's sakes put on some clothes."

"Just kill her!" Xander screeched, thankful that once again providence had saved his ass.

Spike turned back to the naked Mary and growled.

"Okay bint. Here's how it goes. You leave now or you leave in an ashtray. How's that sound?" Spike asked.

His response was a charge from the female vampire who launched herself at him with a guttural cry. She then wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him, full tongue. What's more Spike returned it fiercely. It felt…right.

That made Xander cock his head and go "Huh?"

Spike's mind caught up with him and the hated feeling that he hadn't felt in over a year and not for over a century before that kicked in: guilt. He pried her off with a shove and growled.

"Alright. Not the kind of attack I expected. Granted. But, fun as that was, let's fight." Spike said, fangs bared a bit.

Mary cocked her head and looked at Spike.

"Okay what the hell's going on here?" Mary asked.

"Something I've wondered for the last eight years." Xander said, pulling a couch cushion down over his privates.

"Ya know Harris, you should really check for a pulse or something before you invite someone in." Spike said, standing in front of the still downed Xander protectively. He watched Mary carefully.

"Hey! I was drunk!" Xander yelled.

"Yeah, well at least I still have the presence of mind to orchestrate kidnappings when I'm drunk." Spike growled.

"Oh yeah, let's bring THAT up now! You bashed my head in you ass!" Xander shouted, standing.

"Well maybe if you hadn't tried to fight me then that wouldn't have happened!" Spike growled.

"Oh and I was supposed to let you kidnap Willow and me?" Xander yelled.

"Woulda saved you some trouble." Spike replied.

"Ass clown."

"Poofter."

"WHOA NOW!" Mary said before whistling, "Slow down here!"

"You stay out of this." Xander said, "People who try to kill me have no say in matters in my apart….WHY IS SHE STILL ALIVE?!"

"You started talking and here we are." Spike sighed.

"Okay, at first I thought from the way you guys acted that you were just like face stealing demons or something but after hearing that I'm pretty sure you're the real deal." Mary stated, "More or less."

"What are you prattling on about?" Spike growled.

Mary smirked.

"You are so cute when you do that, dad." Mary smiled.

"Dad?" Xander asked.

"Harris, shut up!" Spike said irritably before looking back to Mary, "Dad?"

"You don't recognize me do you?" Mary asked.

"I'd remember…those." Spike said staring at her nude chest before feeling guilt and looking up quickly.

"Okay, but you know me right?" Mary asked Xander.

"Yeah, I knew you in high school before you became A BLOOD SUCKING FIEND!" Xander shouted.

"And you're alive right? As in you have a heartbeat and you sweat and stuff?" Mary asked.

"Hello, we had sex for a few hours. Those are things you don't tend to miss."

"Well, I kind of just concentrate on the sex to be honest." Mary admitted.

"You nailed her?" Spike asked, a combination of awe and jealousy for some reason.

"I am a demon magnet, yes we all know this." Xander replied, "She's sitting in my recliner. Please just dust her."

"Whoa! Hey now! No dusting!" Mary started, "Let me just get this straight okay? You know each other but Xander only knows me from high school before I was a vampire and Spike doesn't know me at all?"

"Yeah."

"Like I said. I'd remember…those."

Mary frowned at both of them.

"Well fuck." Mary sighed before screaming at the ceiling, "I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE OF YOU WITCH BITCHES DID IT BUT THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE! BRING ME BACK NOW!"

"Uh, who are you yelling at?" Xander asked.

"Tara. Or Willow. I don't know which but they're the only ones who could do this shit to me." Mary growled.

"Do what?" Spike asked.

"Dump me in an alternate universe. The bitches."

"Back up a little?" Xander questioned.

"Okay, this is going to sound really messed up okay? But bear with me and please don't stake me before I'm done…" Mary sighed, "It all started senior year when mousy little Willow Rosenberg went missing…"

* * *

"This isn't right." The vampire screamed as he threw a chair across the empty Bronze, "Where are the cages?! Where are all the vampires?! Where's the Master?!"

His redheaded companion bristled and growled.

"I'm here again. I can smell all the stupid people that were here." She growled, "This sucks."

"What are you talking about?" the brunette vampire with Xander's face said turning to her.

The demon that wore Willow Rosenberg's body growled.

"The night the White Hats attacked us and we died…before I died I got brought here." She growled lowly, threateningly.

"Huh?"

"A fuzzy pink me brought me here. I tried to fix things but they stopped me and sent me back. Me, you, puppy, and the Slayer." The vampire Willow hissed.

"I'm not following." The vampire Xander said, furrowing his brow.

"It's another world like ours but with no Master, no fun puppy, and no ponies to ride. It's a dumb world." The vampire Willow said before savagely striking a table: breaking it, "I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD!"

"Let me get this straight. It's another world that's like ours only the White Hats are in charge?" the vampire Xander asked.

"Uh huh. This place is less fun." Vamp Willow pouted.

"And there's people like us here, but they're not vampires?" Vamp Xander asked.

"Uh huh." Vamp Willow pouted again, sadly.

"Okay. I have thought this through. You got back before right?"

"Just to turn to dust."

"Don't worry about that. The Master can bring us back again if that happens. But, you got back right?"

"Uh huh."

"How?"

"The White Hats sent me back."

"Okay, really simple. We just get some of them, torture them and have them send us back." Vamp Xander smiled.

Vamp Willow's face brightened.

"Can we take the other me back too? She could be fun." Vamp Willow grinned.

"Oh yeah. I fully intend to have a three-way with two Willows."

"My Xander's a smarty everyday."

"I'm kind of perfect like that."

* * *

Spike and Xander, human version, blinked very slowly.

"You expect us to believe that?" Xander asked.

"You have a better explanation?" Mary asked.

"Gee, I don't know maybe the fact that you're crazy is a little easier to swallow than Spike and Drusilla turning pretty much every member of the Scoobies EVER into vampires and us still protecting Sunnydale with Buffy?" Xander retorted.

"You know, I really liked you better after we turned your ass Harris." Mary growled.

"Yeah well…at least I can still get a tan!" Xander replied, as he pulled on a t-shirt.

Mary flipped him the bird and looked at Spike.

"Spike? You believe me right?" Mary asked, slowly.

Spike, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, looked at Mary. That was a pretty outlandish story all things considered, but this girl. When he looked at her, he felt something. It was something that both aroused his demon and made his soul feel guilt. She was close to him. She felt like…no he'd never made one of those since that business with the First controlling him and even then he wasn't in his right mind. But he felt a bond between the two of them. Her blood called to him because it was HIS blood too. He'd made her. Or at least another Spike had.

"I don't know what to believe." Spike stated, "But there's an easy way to find out."

"That include dusting her?" Xander asked hopefully.

"No, you mental giant. We get Red to do one of her truth spells on her. Cleared things up when Tara came back, should clear things up now." Spike replied.

"That would mean we have to—"

"Take her to Buffy's house." Spike sighed.

"But didn't she tell us earlier that—"

"Don't finish that sentence because it's going to get me into severe trouble when I think about it." Spike said, thinking of the words Mary had said earlier considering she, Buffy, and himself. He couldn't stand up for a minute.

"Cool. Is she hot in this universe too?" Mary asked with a grin.

* * *

On the outskirts of town, a vintage black 1956 Desoto rumbled towards Sunnydale. He didn't know what had happened. It had been daytime when he was driving to Los Angeles and suddenly it was night. Something of that magnitude was usually bad so he decided to return to his base of operations. He had to find out what had happened. AS he approached Sunnydale however he could make out the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign that he could have sworn he had changed to "Welcome to SunnyHell". This wasn't right. But that sign sure as hell was an eyesore. His foot pressed down on the gas and he gunned for the damned sign. It collapsed with a satisfying crunching sound as he drove into it.

He then decided he needed a smoke. Opening his driver side door, he exited, one boot on the pavement followed by another. His long black duster swayed in the night air as the cigarette hung from his mouth. His hand gripped his Zippo and lit the fag in his mouth. He inhaled deeply before speaking in his cockney accent.

"Home, sweet home."


	2. Drama and Bondage Queens

Xander immediately felt the unease of his mate. She was jumpier than usual when they walked down the road. In fact she seemed almost like a puppy that was unsure of its surroundings. Xander had to admit, he felt that way himself. Compared to home this place was practically tame. There were so many humans, so many demons, and not nearly as many vampires.

He'd remembered that his world had once been very much like this. He growled when he remembered who he had been: weak, pathetic, the butt of every joke. It was enough to make him scream. He hated what he had been and how he had treated his Willow. He never saw her for the radiant red goddess she was. Not until she had disappeared that night at the Bronze and reappeared a night later on his doorstep, her hair brighter in intensity and shorter than he had ever seen it. He didn't even take in the tight leather of her clothing until her fangs were in his throat. And he felt bliss. Her love had made him stronger.

For two years, they had served their Master as his chief acolytes as Luke and Darla had left to take over the demon community in Los Angeles. It was two years of black paradise. Of pain. Of passion. They took what they wanted. They killed who they wished. They tortured who and when they decided, a fact that the vampire traitor Angel could attest to. The only resistance was that stupid librarian and his White Hats.

That was until the Slayer showed up. Yeah, she had ruined everything. She killed him (after he disposed of that pussy Angel of course). Everything was fire and torment for years after that. That was until he was pulled back into the real world and sat naked at the Master's feet. His time in Hell had been cut short by a mystical ritual the Master had performed. He'd saved Willow from the pit as well. He was not known for departing from his toys so easily.

Xander smiled when he had learned the Master had snapped the neck of the Slayer. Happy days on the Hellmouth once again. That was until tonight. They had been in their world but now they were here, wherever here was. Willow didn't seem to like it. And that pissed Xander off. Whenever Willow was unhappy someone tended to take a week or two to die at the least.

"Come here baby." Vamp Xander said as he jerked his Willow to his side.

She cooed.

"My big strong Xander. Always taking care of me." Vamp Willow said, biting at his jugular slightly.

"I hate to see you like this baby. I swear I'll kill whoever brought us here like this nice and slow. Just for you." Vamp Xander growled sexily to her.

Vamp Willow giggled.

"Then can we eat a toddler?" she asked.

"I was thinking maybe some teens to be honest." Vamp Xander replied and looking across the street.

"They remodeled." Vamp Willow replied.

"Still has open invite written all over it. Let's get inside. Sun'll be rising soon." Vamp Xander said.

Then he smirked.

"And if the Slayer's all over this town she'll get our message pretty quick once we start picking off kids like Columbine."

Vamp Willow giggled again and walked up to Sunnydale High School with her mate.

* * *

Buffy smiled as she felt Spike slide into bed beside her. She arched against him and half moaned when he kissed her neck. She turned to her side and kissed him right on the lips, her eyes still closed.

"Mmm, just give me a few minutes to wake up and you can do whatever you want." Buffy purred.

"I'll keep it in mind pet." Spike's thick accent started, "Um, but maybe I should tell you something first."

"It can wait. I want a ride." Buffy said, pressing Spike backwards on the bed and straddling him slowly, "Give me a ride William. Give the Slayer what she needs."

Spike was never one to resist her advances. In fact, he lived for them. He did everything in his power to get them. He adored her and everything she did for him. Buffy knew it too. Which was why it was so shocking when he said what he did.

Her eyes flew open.

"What do you mean not right now?!" She asked shocked, "Who are you and where's Spike?"

"Luv, it's not the end of the world when I turn down a shag." Spike stated.

After a moment of silence he shook his head.

"Alright maybe it is. Point is though; we got something weird going on." Spike stated.

Buffy sighed and rolled off of him and onto her back.

"Don't we always?" Buffy groaned, "What is it this time? Big Cthullu demon come out of the Hellmouth again?"

"Actually more like a vampire from an alternate universe." Spike replied, "You don't seem so shocked."

"It happens in my line of work. You stop being surprised." Buffy shrugged, "Anyone I know?"

"Remember a Mary Sanchez?" Spike asked.

"Only by reputation. Never actually met the girl. Is that who's in my house?" Buffy questioned as she stood up and pulled on her pajama pants.

"Yep."

"Okay. STDs aren't transmittable by air are they?" Buffy asked.

"Some demon ones." Spike said, resulting in a look from Buffy, "But not vampire ones."

"Good. Just being careful with the rep she had. So how do we know that this is an alternate universe version and not just a vamped her from this universe?" Buffy asked.

"We don't. But Red's on it."

* * *

As soon as Mary set eyes on Willow, there could be said to be an air of hostility in the room. Anyone there could see it. Tara especially. The vampire (safely secured, natch) was glaring daggers at Willow and the menace that literally flowed off of her was a bit surprising. Mary scoffed and looked away from the redheaded witch.

"Least you wear some fucking clothes in this reality." Mary said with a growl.

"Look who's talking." Xander said taking in Mary's own skimpy outfit.

"Up yours, Harris. Jeez, you ought to just let me vamp you on this world and save us all some time. It'll mellow you the hell out." Mary sneered.

Willow looked to Tara and grimaced at the ugly scene that was unfolding in the living room. Tara tried to smile reassuringly. Mary noted the looks the two shared and immediately put two and two together.

"Now this here is just all fucked up." Mary said with a sigh.

"What's that?" Willow asked, going through the proper ingredients for the truth spell.

"You two. Are you like together here?" Mary asked, incredulously.

"Is it really important?" Willow asked, not really liking smart assed vampires from other dimensions.

"Not really, but considering you two look at each other like the chicks from Boys Don't Cry here and fight like cats and dogs back home…well it's different." Mary explained.

Willow, Tara, and Xander all looked at Mary with a "Huh" look.

"We fight?" Tara asked.

"Is it hot?" Xander asked, hopefully.

Willow just ignored Mary and kept looking through her supplies.

"Oh yeah." Mary smirked.

"To which part?" Xander asked, again hopefully.

"Both." Mary smirked.

Xander made a "yes!" motion while Tara just imagined the totally foreign concept of she and Willow being at odds.

"Why would we fight?" Tara asked.

"Just ignore her." Willow ordered.

"Probably comes from her being such a ho." Mary said in Willow's direction.

Willow's head snapped at Mary.

"Shut up." Willow warned.

"Hey, it's not my fault. I figure anyone wants to play with the forces of darkness, dress in slutty Emma Frost gear and get spanked by the first demon that comes by, it's between them and their God." Mary smirked.

"SHUT UP!" Willow shouted.

A telekinetic push tipped Mary and her chair over. She grimaced on the floor.

"Okay, so you're not trashy on this world. Fine. Still have a temper though." Mary winced.

Willow was noticeably very angry and stormed out of the room, cursing and refusing to do a truth spell unless she found out a way to mute Mary like the Gentlemen could. Xander followed trying desperately to calm her down. Tara remained with Mary and walked over to her, lifting her chair up and on all fours.

"Thanks." Mary said.

Tara said nothing and merely went to sit on the arm of a chair.

"Don't make her angry." Tara stated, "You wouldn't like her when she's angry."

"So I have a smart mouth. Sue me. I don't really like her…or at least my version of her so I'm taking it out on her while I can. Back home dad doesn't let me take shots at her. Bitch deserves them though." Mary replied.

"You're either telling the truth or are really creative." Tara replied.

"Well I flunked English so that gets rid of one possibility." Mary replied.

There was silence for a minute.

"So why do you dislike her?" Tara asked.

"Way she treats people, especially Xander." Mary started, "They're together on my world. Didn't used to have a problem with her. After we both got turned we were pretty cool. After she got into that dark stuff though, she changed. She got selfish and mean spirited. Started slutting herself around to anything that she could lay. More than me and that's saying something. Then whenever she does something that screws us all up she gets all whiney and "oh pity me". Gets to me. Hell, I did that too, but I only did it once."

"I think you're telling the truth. That's really complex for a fabrication." Tara replied, trying to study her aura.

"That's two I guess." Mary smirked.

"I'm guessing from the way Xander acted it was Spike then." Tara said.

"You'd be right. Dads always know when their kids are lying. Even when its an alternate version of them." Mary smirked, thinking of Spike.

"When you say dad, you mean sire right?" Tara asked.

"Yeah. He sired me. Did you and Cordelia too." Mary said with a smile, "Ma…Dru took care of Xander and Willow."

"Spike sired me?" Tara asked, eyes wide.

"He sure did, "Baby Girl"." Mary snickered.

"Tell me he doesn't call me that." Tara asked, before laughing.

"If he doesn't call you that here then what does he?" Mary asked.

"Glenda." Tara smirked herself.

"That's it? He didn't come up with any other name for you to just scream out when you two do it?" Mary questioned, cocking her head.

Tara laughed aloud.

"I'm gay." Tara replied, "I mean not that Spike's a bad looking guy, it's just that I'm nowhere near interested. Plus he's with Buffy. I'm with Willow and Kennedy."

"Well there's an unfamiliar name." Mary stated.

"No Kennedy on your world?" Tara asked.

"Not that I've met. Doesn't mean there isn't one. Seems like there's versions of most everyone else here." Mary said with a shrug, "So if Spike didn't sire you, who did?"

"Nobody." Tara replied quickly.

"Then just what the hell are you? Cause I can tell you're not exactly human here." Mary asked, "Dad said you were nervous and shy as hell before he turned you. If Tara's across the multiverse are pretty much the same I'd think you would be too. But you're confident. So something had to happen."

"Eh. I'm a wraith or something like that. Died and came back. Have some nifty powers, Slayer-like strength and mystical crow. He's upstairs asleep." Tara explained.

"So you do some fighting then."

"Yeah."

"Figured as much. Leather pants were a dead giveaway. If anything bad happened down here you're the best dressed person to take me on." Mary explained, "And I gotta say, the whole goth girl look you have going on? I like it better than that earth mother super-Wicca shit you pull on my world."

"We don't get along huh?" Tara asked.

"Eh. We don't really pay much mind to each other. Best to leave things in the past. Still, I see how you get when I check out Riley." Mary replied.

She let that sink in for a moment.

"Wait a minute. Riley?" Tara asked, "I'm with Riley in your world?"

"Eh. You sired him Baby Girl. Pretty much a given you'll sleep with him. Actually us being a vampire clan means we tend to sleep with pretty much everybody in the family. But he's definitely your favorite." Mary smirked, "Then you like Cordelia too. And Dad."

Tara was blushing. Mary loved it.

"Oh yeah, and Dawn's friend Amanda too. You saved her by turning her." Mary smiled making Tara squirm.

"H-How many people have I slept with there?" Tara asked.

"Oh just about everybody, sweet thing. It's what we do when we're not, ya know actually sleeping or fighting demons or some shit." Mary said sexily, "Oh yeah. I almost forgot to mention how you seduced Giles."

"Giles is a vampire too?" Tara asked.

"Nope. You just seduced him." Mary said, waiting for Tara to squirm some more.

She squirmed a lot.

"Okay, ew. No mention of Giles seduced in anyway." Buffy said as she entered the room with Spike right behind her.

"Well this should be interesting." Mary quipped.

"Tara, go help Xander with Willow." Buffy ordered.

"Is she that mad?" Tara asked.

"Livid." Buffy replied, hands on her hips looking at Mary as Tara left the room.

Spike hung back and just tried to not look at either woman here, though to anyone watching it was obvious he was looking over them both with equal parts curiosity and lust. Spike often wondered whether it was fate or just bad luck that made every woman he was ever the least bit attracted to hostile to one another. Looking at the gazes both women were giving one another he realized that this event would be no different. Buffy's eyes drilled into Mary, looking for any trace of weakness. It's what she did to potential enemies. Mary on the other hand just smirked a little and finally half-laughed.

"Yeah, you're her alright. Nobody else does the stare like that." Mary said, amusedly.

"Okay here's how it works. You're going to stay quiet and let my friend do a truth spell on you. You try your little mind games on her again and your jaw is broken. The only reason I'm not dusting you right now is the off chance that you're telling the truth and you being killed really makes reality suck. Still, you try anything and you're dust because I'm the kind of girl that figures reality sucks most of the time anyway." Buffy ordered.

"Definitely Buffy." Mary said to herself, "So where's your mom? I figured she'd be up with all this racket."

Buffy's eyes widened and if Spike hadn't grabbed her when he did, Mary would be missing a head. Still Buffy struggled and screamed loudly making the others enter the room. Spike did his damnedest to hold Buffy back and it was a challenge even for him.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! DON'T YOU DARE MESS WITH ME LIKE THAT! DON'T YOU DARE!" Buffy screamed as she fought to get near Mary.

"Slayer! Calm down! Slayer! Damn it Buffy!" Spike growled as he tried to hold Buffy back.

Mary looked confused and slightly scared. Sure, Buff had a temper but the only time she had ever seen her this mad was maybe the time after the First fucked with her head. Mary's fear grew when Buffy managed to shrug Spike off and progress towards her. Mary could see murder in Buffy's eyes.

Luckily Spike had recovered and grabbed Buffy by the arm, and spun her around behind him.

"Will you calm down already?!" Spike asked.

Buffy's hand instinctually struck his nose. It was reflex, too quick to stop. It was just second nature. By the moment guilt had welled up inside her and she began to form thoughts to apologize, Spike's fist struck her face as well. His features had changed and he growled that low bestial sound that most vampires did.

Buffy's guilt turned to anger and she prepared to throw another blow at Spike when small arcs of electricity made her body stop moving. She saw the same electricity flowing over Spike equally pausing him. Willow walked up between them.

"Okay, as much as I love seeing you guys revert back to the way you were, we have a situation…a very annoying situation that needs to be taken care of here. So I'm going to take charge here and send you two out of the room. Go to the kitchen or the basement or wherever and talk things out. I don't care where. Just get out of here and let me work because I'm tired, cranky, and may have just started my period okay?" Willow said irritably.

Neither Buffy nor Spike nodded, mainly because neither could move.

"I'll take that as a yes then." Willow said unfreezing the two, "Now get out of my working space."

"You're right Wills. Sorry about that. We'll go. Come on Spike." Buffy said.

Spike was watching Mary, still vamped out.

"Spike!" Buffy half-shouted.

His features reverted to human when he turned to her.

"Oh yeah. Right." Spike said as if in a daze.

Of course he noticed that Buffy was giving him a very evil look and he couldn't help feeling that he was in deep shit.

"Hey guys? What's going on?" a very tired Dawn said, as she walked into the living room.

"Nibblit!" Mary said enthusiastically, already over the experience that had just occurred.

Dawn just stared at Mary blankly before looking to Buffy.

"What did I walk in on?" Dawn asked.

"Nothing. Just go upstairs and back to bed." Buffy said.

"Well I would if it wasn't so loud. You're wigging me out. Kennedy too." Dawn replied.

"Dawn, go upstairs okay?" Buffy asked, pleadingly.

"Yeah." Dawn said eyeing Mary again with unease, "Sure."

Dawn slowly began to slink away upstairs. Tara went with her to check on Kennedy.

"Gonna have to tell the Dawnie back home to go green. It looks great on her." Mary thought aloud.

Buffy turned to her.

"Don't look at her. Don't talk to her. Don't even think about her." Buffy spat, "Don't mention ANYONE in my family EVER. Understand?"

"Luv, come on." Spike said pulling her arm.

"Yeah. Come on Spike. Let's go talk about why you're making eyes at this ho." Buffy replied, angrily.

That hit Spike hard. But in Buffy's defense it had been pretty noticeable. Buffy just glared at him and walked to the basement door and downstairs. Spike watched her hesitantly then followed.

"What the hell was that about?" Mary asked.

"Shut up." Willow said, going back to her supplies.

"No seriously, why'd Buff get all torn up?" Mary asked.

"Could it be that you mentioned her dead mother? I mean, maybe?" Xander asked sarcastically.

"Joyce is dead here?" Mary asked quietly.

* * *

Spike stopped and watched Buffy as she hit the punching bag one time, very hard. She the turned and looked at him angrily. He could read her face as well as anyone now. It was almost as if he knew the words that would come from her throat before they did.

"What the hell was that?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy, luv…just try to stay calm and right headed about this alright?" Spike said reasonably.

"Calm? What's calm?" Buffy asked unreasonably, "Calm left the building when that undead ho up there got brought into MY house, insulted my best friend, talked about my dead mother, and had my boyfriend staring at her!"

"Look, I wouldn't have brought her here if I didn't think it was important." Spike began, "You should be thanking me that I got to Harris up there before she tore his throat out."

"Oh she tried to kill my other best friend too? Oh yes Spike, I can see exactly why you brought her here now instead of dusting her." Buffy said sarcastically.

"That's—that came out wrong okay? Things were okay after that. Things were explained. Things are a tad different where she's from." Spike said.

"Oh yeah, an alternate reality and we only have her story on that." Buffy replied.

"Thought that was a possibility after what you said upstairs."

"Yeah, so's the one where she's an undead skank that's got some plot to kill me. Think of that one?"

"Yeah I did in fact. But I believe her Buffy. I listened to what she had to say and I believed her in my heart."

"Why is that? Care to let the rest of us in on that?" Buffy asked.

Spike was quiet.

"Because I'm—the me from her world is her sire." Spike said with a sigh.

"How do you know that?"

"Because she told me!" Spike began, "And I feel it. In my blood I feel a part of me being tugged by her. Like there's some of me in there. It's like how I felt around Dru."

"Not really changing things in the long run, Spike. If she is from some freaky side dimension and was sired by you, then that screams evil vampire to me." Buffy said, "You wouldn't do that to anyone now because you have a soul. So if you're her sire, it's a soulless you. That just makes her another demon to kill."

"That simple is it? Well then, let's just go upstairs and kill the nasty thing. Maybe kick it in the face and call it a few names while we're at it. Just a thing after all, not a person." Spike said bitterly.

"Don't you even dare say that. I don't like to think about that time. I hate thinking about it. I never bring it up because it hurts so don't you dare." Buffy said, almost letting tears well up.

"Yeah, it does hurt. Still hurts me to think that you thought of me like that. Hearing you say that just brought me a whole world of hurt Buffy." Spike replied.

"This has nothing to do with that. We're past that." Buffy stated.

"Yeah, well maybe we bloody well are. Maybe that doesn't matter now, but the fact that you don't trust my judgment on this hurts me just as much as when you used me."

"Spike, for God's sake you were undressing her with your eyes! That hurts me! Yeah, big surprise, the Slayer's feelings can get hurt." Buffy said, the tears now welling up.

"Luv, don't cry. Please. I'm sorry. Don't cry." Spike said trying to soothe her as she looked down.

He moved forward a little and tried to put his arms around her. She backed away.

"But it hurts more when you remind me of what I did and what you tried to do." Buffy said, crying softly.

Spike looked to the side, the bitter taste of guilt filling his heart. Pushing her down. Holding her there. Getting on top. Her screams. Her robe ripping.

"I thought you said we were past that." Spike asked closing his eyes, blocking out the memories.

"Well we were until you decided to use it on me." Buffy said wiping a tear from her cheek, "Consider it turnabout. We both hate that part of our lives and feel guilty about it so we're even."

"Buffy…"

"Don't. I don't want to talk anymore alright?" Buffy said backing away again, "Just give me some space."

"Look I didn't mean anything by it." Spike said apologetically, "I'm sorry…Luv? I'm…"

"Spike, not now okay?" Buffy said, looking at him.

Spike stopped advancing towards her. His look changed from one of apology to one of anger.

"Fine. Whatever." Spike said as he suddenly grew very still. The basement was quiet.

"You should go upstairs. See what's going on. Get ready for work, whatever it is that you do this early." Spike said, not looking at her.

"Yeah. I should." Buffy replied as she walked for the stairs. She turned around watched him for a second before walking back upstairs.

* * *

"Satisfied?" Mary asked with a smile on her face.

"Fine, fine, we owe you a Coke. Or a bottle of Tequila going by what I saw at the bar last night." Xander said.

"Wow." Was all Willow could muster.

"Am I that interesting, Strawberry?" Mary said with a hint of sensuality.

"Well, yeah. I mean no, I mean…we just don't get people from alternate dimensions around here too much. Well once." Willow explained.

"I know what you mean. This makes my second trip to some other world." Mary mused.

"Second trip?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. There was another one where the Mayor won at graduation. I really hate snakes." Mary nodded.

"Okay, I'm done with the WB style drama down in the basement." Buffy announced as she returned, "What have we got?"

"She's telling the truth." Willow said turning to her friend.

"Say what?" Buffy asked dumbfounded.

"I really am from an alternate dimension so you can probably untie me now. Where's Spike by the way?" Mary asked, peering past Buffy.

"First off, shut up. Secondly, she's not getting untied anytime soon." Buffy ordered.

"Why not?" Mary asked, pouting.

Buffy laughed slightly.

"Do you have a soul?"

"No."

"Well there ya go. Also I think I said shut up." Buffy replied.

"If I could flip you off I would." Mary quipped back.

"Well Buff, maybe we could untie her…I mean first thing we asked was whether or not she was good like she claimed a little bit ago." Xander started.

"And we clarified it too. Like if she was what we would consider good, cause we've seen episodes of the Twilight Zone where they just tell you what you want to hear." Willow nodded as she finished.

"Gee, nice to know we're playing devil's advocate now but no. Soulless equals bad." Buffy replied, "So don't untie her."

"But if she's good…" Xander started.

"Didn't she try to drink you dry a few hours ago?" Buffy quickly reminded him.

"Well…YEAH! What's up with that?" Xander asked, turning to Mary, then to Willow, "Truth spell still on?"

Willow nodded.

"What's up with that?" Xander asked Mary again.

"Hmm, well maybe because I thought you were my Xander and that most vamp families feed from each other? Ringing any bells?" Mary asked, as her aura shifted to a white color.

"Ew." Buffy and Xander both said.

"She's telling the truth." Willow replied.

"Ew but feed from each other?" Xander asked.

"Yeah that's a little gross." Buffy replied.

"Fairly common actually." Willow said, receiving incredulous looks, "Research gal remember?"

"Okay, she does not come untied though. Got it?" Buffy ordered again.

"Always trying to tie me up huh Buff?" Mary smirked.

"You're still not shutting up." Buffy stated.

"Oh, you're mad. Gonna spank me?" Mary asked, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Okay why are you…do you have some weird obsession with me on your world?" Buffy asked.

"Nope, just messin with ya." Mary said, her aura glowing white for truth again.

"Thank God." Buffy sighed in relief.

"Of course we do have sex a lot." Mary smirked.

"You…and Spike?" Buffy asked, hesitantly.

"Well yeah, but I meant me and you." Mary said licking her lips as her aura went white again.

"I'm going to go upstairs now." Buffy said calmly.

She turned and slowly walked up the first few steps, before breaking out to a run. The tell-tale sign of her bedroom door slamming meant she made it to her room. Mary just laughed.

"God I love that stuff." She said.

"I gotta admit, that is pretty funny." Xander started, before getting quiet, "And hot."

"Yeah." Willow added, obviously thinking about it herself, "I mean…no. That was mean!"

"Just the truth. Like how you're a right little tart on my world." Mary said glowing white.

"…I'm going to work on getting her home now." Willow said, walking into the kitchen after grabbing a text.

"Oooh! Do me! Do me!" Xander said, jumping up and down.

"Again?" Mary asked with a smile.

"No…yeah….TELL ME WHAT I'M LIKE FIRST!" Xander begged.

"I don't know. You were awfully mean to me a little while ago." Mary fake pouted.

"I was wrong about someone! It happens all the time! Absolutely no ability to tell what people are like here! Just please!" Xander said, going to one knee.

"Well…okay." Mary said.

"Am I a badass vampire?" Xander asked.

Mary took her time, enjoying making him wait.

"Yeah." She finally said.

Xander went hysterical.

"YES! That's two universes in a row where Alexander Lavelle Harris is an asskicker!" Xander said jumping up and down before falling down onto his back.

Willow and Mary winced before saying the exact same words.

"Hyper much?"

* * *

Tara knocked on Buffy's door quietly.

"If you're one of two vampires in the house right now you can't come in." Buffy's voice on the other side stated.

"Actually it's me." Tara said, sending her words to Buffy mentally.

The door opened.

"Hi. Uh was there something you wanted?" Buffy asked.

"Just to see if you were okay. You slammed the door and I figured you had it out with Spike. You alright?" Tara asked.

"Yeah." Buffy breathed out as she walked and sat on the edge of the bed, "How's Kennedy?"

"I got her back to sleep. She should be up and around in a little bit so I told her what was up so she wouldn't freak out." Tara said, walking in the room and leaning on the dresser, "You don't look alright."

"I'm fine. Really." Buffy said with a small smile.

"You shouldn't lie to someone with empathic powers." Tara replied.

"Oh my bad. Sorry." Buffy apologized sheepishly.

"It's okay. I wasn't using them." Tara said with a cunning smile.

Buffy's mouth dropped before she laughed slightly.

"You're getting to be a little minx." Buffy replied.

"Comes with confidence I guess. I only stutter when I get nervous now." Tara stated.

"You've come a long way."

"So have you. I really mean that. You're doing good now. Better than the last time we really talked." Tara said.

"Kind of broke down didn't I?" Buffy asked.

"Normal reaction. You had to let it out. You can't keep things bottled up. So you should probably tell me what's on your mind right now." Tara replied.

"Combination of things actually." Buffy said with a sigh.

"And let me guess, they all stem from Mary down there?" Tara asked, sitting beside Buffy.

"Yeah, yeah they do. For one Spike was checking her out." Buffy said rolling his eyes.

Tara laughed.

"Buffy, I was even checking her out. She's nice looking and wasn't wearing a lot." Tara replied, "Plus she said Spike sired her. Might not be the same Spike but there's obviously some level of attraction there if a Spike would do that."

"Spike said it was more than that. Like a bond." Buffy added.

"Well there you go. Of course he's going to feel something there, but don't worry. This is your Spike and he loves you. He's not going to do anything more than stare. Maybe not even that after you two had it out." Tara stated.

"Well then there's something else that's bothering me." Buffy said looking down, "When you looked at her, did she have a soul?"

"Everything has a soul Buffy. Every rock, tree, demon or what have you. But I know what you mean. Her aura's mostly gray. Not evil but not really good either." Tara said.

"What do you mean everything has a soul?" Buffy asked.

"Everything does. I believe that. My religion kind of points that out pretty heavily." Tara replied.

"That doesn't make any sense. Vampires don't have souls. Except for Spike and Angel." Buffy stated.

"I know what you mean. I even call it a soul myself sometimes but that's not what it is, not all of it anyway. Just a part of it."

"How do you mean? When Spike and Angel didn't have their souls they were evil, plain and simple. Every vamp I've come up against has been soulless and they've all been evil." Buffy said.

"Well, let me put it this way okay? I may be way off but between what I believe, what I've read and what Willow's told me that I'm kind of close. When you become a vampire you lose your soul right? Well, I don't believe that. I mean how can something soulless feel love? Spike loved you before he got his soul. I'm not saying he was a boy scout, but he loved you. Something without a soul couldn't. And Willow's been studying with Dr. Strange right? He pretty much believes that too. He even has some vampires that are his friends. They're good guys too. Dr. Strange says that when you get turned you don't lose your soul, just the part of it that gives you inhibitions. If you lose those it doesn't necessarily make you evil, but I guess for some people it can. It all just depends on what kind of person you are before you're turned. Does that help any?"

"Not really. That just means that I hurt Spike for no reason." Buffy said, looking up sadly.

"You hurt Spike? When? Is he…oh. You mean…"

"Back then yeah. He loved me and I threw it in his face. And if you said vamps can be good and that Mary chick is…then who says he couldn't have been if we gave him the chance? He might not have…he might not have tried to rape me if we had." Buffy said closing her eyes.

"H-He tried to rape you?" Tara stuttered.

"Oh God, you didn't know?" Buffy asked.

Tara shook her head, shocked.

"I c-can't believe he'd do that if he l-loved you." Tara said.

"He couldn't either. I remember his face after I kicked him off. He was shocked that he had tried. It just…happened. He left town that night because he hated what he had done. The next day you got shot." Buffy said quietly.

"And you're with him now?" Tara asked, wondering how.

"I forgave him, Tara. He went and did the one thing that he knew would change him. He went and won a soul. He loved me enough to do that while he was…evil. And now I think he might not have been really evil back then. It's confusing." Buffy said.

"How could you forgive him for that?" Tara asked.

"Because I guess, I brought it on myself. I'm not trying to say what he did was justified, but if I had shown him just a little crumb of affection and hadn't used and…and abused him, then he wouldn't have tried to. And now I feel bad because…I used him because I thought he was a thing and didn't feel pain, but now maybe he wasn't." Buffy explained.

"I'm not sure how to feel about him now." Tara said, "Men have done that sort of thing to women for so long and, it's just…wrong. How could he do it?"

"Because I made him." Buffy stated, quietly before looking at Tara, "And hey, don't try and go enact vengeance or act weird around him. He IS different now. He's proved that time and time again since getting his soul. He may have been good before, but he IS good now. As far as I'm concerned he's more than made up for everything he did. He even saved our lives during that whole thing with that alien and Bacchus. He would die for any of us. And I love him."

"I'm not going to do anything." Tara smiled, "I know he's good now. I just…it shocked me. I could never see him doing that to you. Even back then. He loved you. It was pretty obvious if you looked."

"But I never did." Buffy sighed, before looking at the clock, "OH SHIT! I have to get ready for work!"

"Okay, I'll head back to bed and see if Kennedy needs anything. I'm sorry to have kept you." Tara said.

"No! No, it's okay! We need to talk more often! We'll talk later!" Buffy laughed hysterically before running for the bathroom.

Tara nodded quickly and walked out of the bedroom.

"Man relationships are complicated here." She mused.

* * *

Principal Robin Wood exploded through the glass door to his office. He collided with the desk and slipped to the floor. Dimly, he seemed to realize that the blinds to his office were being closed. What the hell was going on?

Just a few moments ago he walked into the school to begin a brand new day when he saw Willow and Xander already waiting in the office. He had questioned them, wondering if something was happening in Sunnydale that they needed help with. The next thing he knew, Willow punched him through his door.

"Ah, he's still struggling. Can I keep him?" Willow asked.

Xander plopped down into Robin's desk.

"Just as long as you remember to feed him." Xander replied.

Willow smiled evilly as she looked down at Robin. Her face changed.

"Not a problem. Just as soon as I get my breakfast." Willow replied, through her fangs.

Xander smirked and then his eyes went wide. He reached over the desk and grabbed an object.

"Oh I've always wanted to do this." He grinned.

"Now hear this, now hear this. Sunnydale High School, please remain calm. There's been an incident in the office but everything's under control now. Just stay right where you are and we'll be around to tear your throats out in no time." Xander's voice echoed through the school's intercoms.

Xander sat the microphone down as his vampire features rose to the surface.

"Nothing like an continental breakfast."


	3. Ever see Sliders? Its alot like that

Check it out...the long awaited third chapter! And you all only had to wait years and years....don't hit me!

* * *

He walked into the factory, his duster swirling in the air behind him, faint traces of smokes rising from his undead flesh where the sun's light hit it. He cursed repeatedly until he made it inside. He looked around and saw that while his home was a safe haven from the sun, it was also terribly burned. What was going on here? This was just….bizarre.

"What the bloody hell going on?" he queried.

And with that he pulled a cigarette from his coat and lit it. He needed to kill something.

* * *

Amanda was far from a normal girl. She was after all a Potential Slayer; born with the abilities to be a successful Slayer should she ever be called. She was smarter than she gave herself credit for and a little tougher as well. She had the instincts needed to be an effective Slayer one day. Hell she had helped save the world and maybe the universe from the First Evil a few months back! If only she wasn't flunking English….

Her thoughts were soon drawn away from her latest woes by the strange message that just came over the intercom. Her English teacher and the rest of the students were panicking. Not Amanda though. No she was calm. She was collected. Hell she wasn't in fucking denial. This HAD to have a supernatural bent to it. Stuff always did. So being a Potential Slayer, she decided to do the most logical thing in the wake of a supernatural attack a Potential could do: she looked around for her number 2 pencil.

Smirking she found it and brandished it like Buffy and Faith had taught her.

"Buffy and Principal Wood can probably handle this, but just in case they can't…" Amanda said, watching her teacher and some students were exiting the classroom by the windows.

She used the moment to slip out of the room into the hallway unnoticed.

"…I'll be back up."

* * *

Robin Wood crawled for the hollow space on the wall in his office. He always kept a cache of demon-killing weapons behind it, just in case of such an event. Still he wished he was moving a little faster.

Maybe if he were capable of it, the stiletto heel of Willow Rosenberg wouldn't have come down on his hand. She smiled as she ground it in, making his hand bleed. He gritted his teeth hard, but did not scream.

"Aww, Puppy's not being very fun. He's not barking or anything." She pouted.

Robin held the pain in as the heel ground deeper. How Willow and Xander had been turned he had no idea (well he knew how), but he would end their stint on the Hellmouth as demons even if it took every fiber of his being.

When he went flying through the glass window back into the outer office, he quickly realized that perhaps he didn't have the constitution he once had.

"Puppy is pretty fun to punish though." Vamp Willow giggled.

Vamp Xander just laughed and strode over to where Wood had been crawling. He knocked on the wall and listened.

"Watcha doin?" Vamp Willow asked.

"Checking this wall."

"Why?"

"Cause I think there might be something here."

"Why?"

"Cause he was crawling over here like he was looking for something."

"Why?"

Vamp Xander merely punched the wall, making it splinter and crack open. He quickly gripped the now obviously false cover and ripped it from the wall.

"OH!" Vamp Willow said in amazement.

Vamp Xander chuckled and pulled out two daggers.

"TOYS!" Vamp Willow giggled, "Can I have one?"

Vamp Xander gave her an angry look.

"PLEEEEEEEEEEASE?" she whined.

He chuckled and tossed her a dagger.

"I just gave you that look so you'd pout. You do such a cute pouty thing." Vamp Xander sighed, adoringly.

"That's cause I'm all hot and fuckable." Vamp Willow said, licking the blade.

"We'd better go get your puppy before the dogcatcher gets him." Vamp Xander said, exiting the office.

Robin lunged at him with the broken leg off a chair. Xander quickly brought the knife up and blocked the makeshift stake before smiling through his game face.

"Nice. You almost had me, but my Master taught me better than that." Vamp Xander said releasing the dagger and delivering a spinning backhand to Robin that sent him on top of Buffy's desk.

Vamp Willow sighed.

"My baby's so hot and studly." She said before giving Vamp Xander a violent kiss.

"I've worked up an appetite. I'm gonna see if there's anything worth eating around here." Vamp Xander said, picking up his dagger and heading for the door, "Don't forget to play nice."

Vamp Willow leapt upon Principal Wood, straddling him, and ripped open his button-up shirt.

"No such thing." She said in a singsong little girl voice.

Vamp Xander merely laughed and walked out the door, "Come out come out wherever you are!"

Vamp Willow smiled evilly. She traced the tip of her dagger across Robin's chest eliciting weak groans and barely breaking the skin. She bit her own lip.

"Bad Puppy. No treat."

* * *

Buffy immediately knew something was wrong because of the police cars and frantic students and faculty fleeing the building. Still she wasn't very concerned. This was what she used to after all. She HAD gone to school here after all. She felt for her chakram deep in the bottom of her purse and smiled when her fingertips touched the cool metal circle.

"Okay, getting in won't be a problem. I have all the entrances and exits mapped out in my head." She began to plan mentally, "I just have to wait for the chance to get by the cops, but that's no big. I've been doing that since I was fifteen. The only thing is what I'm dealing with. Invisible people, angry spirits, zombie ghosts, maybe another disgruntled lunch lady."

"OH MY GOD! I THINK IT WAS A GANG ON PCP!" a teacher exclaimed to a police officer only a few feet away.

"Vampires it is. They're getting bold." Buffy thought, "And making me unprepared. I never carry Mr. Pointy in the day. Though, I can improvise."

Buffy smirked and felt her chakram again before looking for an opening to get inside. She was ready to kick some vampire ass…after counseling them of course. She was on the clock after all.

* * *

"Okay, I think we're ready." Willow said, sprinkling the last of the herbs in a circle around the still bound Mary.

"Do you have the chicken feet?" Tara asked, Poe mounted on her shoulder.

Willow smiled and waved them.

"Don't I always?" she asked.

"How utterly barbarous." Poe cawed in crow speak.

"He's kind of bristling at the bird feet huh?" Kennedy asked lying on the couch covered up to her neck in a blanket, trying to recover her strength.

"How'd you guess?" Tara asked.

"You live with someone long enough you get a pretty good idea what they're thinking." Kennedy replied.

"That is so true. I can tell whenever Spike wants some. He has this little far away look that he gets." Mary smirked.

"Ew. TMI." Dawn gagged.

"Oh come off it Bit. You like him." Mary sighed in an accusatory tone.

"Yeah like when I was fourteen maybe." Dawn replied.

"Can we please move off this subject? Not really caring about the Spike talk." Xander stated.

"Agreed." Kennedy added.

"Oh don't knock him till you've tried him." Mary said.

"I'm straight." Xander defended.

"I'm gay." Kennedy replied.

"I'm bi, so let's have a three-way." Mary smirked.

"We kind of walked into that one didn't we?" Xander remarked at a shrugging Kennedy.

"ANYWAY." Willow said, getting everyone's attention, "We're going to try and send you back now."

"Aw, but I wanted to take T and K out to find Giles and molest him horribly so they can see what they're missing. You too Strawberry. I know you crushed on him." Mary laughed.

Willow blushed.

"ANYWAY!" Willow said again, "We're going to make a temporal field and get you back to your universe at about the same time you left. If everything goes smoothly it should be a pretty easy trip."

"Are you sure we can do this?" Tara asked.

"Eh. I was able to do it in high school. I'm way more powerful now. Plus I have you helping me." Willow smiled, taking Tara's hand, "Now let's start waving the chicken feet and getting her back to where she belongs."

"Cool. Sooner I get back the sooner I can hunt down my Giles. I'm kinda jonesing for him now." Mary said with a lick of her lips, "And if this doesn't work I'm kinda hoping I'm saying his name enough to get you guys to have an orgy with me and him here."

"This is where you say anyway." Tara told Willow.

"Let's just get her back." Willow said, frustrated.

She waved the chicken feet and began to speak in Latin to perform the spell.

"This should be pretty cool." Xander said, sitting on the arm of the couch, "I saw Willow do this to Vamp her a few years ago. It's like one minute they're here and the next they're just gone!"

"She just fades out?" Kennedy asked.

"Yeah. She'll be all poof, gone." Xander smiled, remembering, "Any second now she'll be out of here."

Willow waved the chicken feet again.

"Any second now." Xander repeated.

Willow's eyebrow arched when she waved the chicken feet yet again.

"Yes sir, any second now." Xander nodded.

Another wave.

"Any—"

"Stop saying that." Kennedy ordered.

"Something's wrong." Willow said, "I should be able to do a spell like this in my sleep. I mean I could barely levitate a pencil when I did this before but I'm not making any process at all."

"Really?" Mary asked, almost delighted.

"Really." Willow replied.

"In that case, Giles Giles Giles Giles Giles." Mary giggled.

"You know that's not going to work." Willow said.

"Even if Mr. Giles is an attractive man." Tara added before getting looks, "That just came out wrong. I swear."

"Please. I bet you call him "muffin" the next time you see him." Mary laughed.

"What's the problem Wills?" Xander asked, trying to draw any attention away from Giles being seen as a sexual object.

"Yeah. I mean sure your spells used to go haywire all the time, but not since you went Big Wicca." Dawn replied.

"I don't know. It's like something's blocking me only there's no real resistance. It's like the spell just won't work." Willow said standing, "Maybe I should go see Stephen about this."

"You think that will help?" Tara asked.

"Yeah. If nothing else I can get him to do it for me." Willow shrugged, "Yeah I know that's not really good to say but whatever."

"A girl's gotta know her limits." Mary nodded.

"Yeah…okay it's getting really eerie that we're talking like this." Willow added.

"Isn't it though?" Mary said.

"Okay, I'm hopping a portal to New York." Willow said as she walked into a less populated area of the living room.

"Be careful baby." Kennedy said, smiling at Willow.

"I'll be good. You just be careful here and get some rest." Willow smiled back.

"Maybe I should come too." Tara began, "I mean I have some mystical knowledge. Plus I've never seen where a Sorcerer Supreme lives. There must be all sorts of neat tomes lying around I could study and start flexing my Wicca muscles again. Also he may get my insect reflection joke."

Everyone but Willow looked at Tara.

"Well you see your insect reflection is you inner—"

"Tara, honey, sweetie…I didn't get it three years ago so I won't now." Xander stopped her.

Tara pouted and Poe cawed.

"I can peck his eyes out you know. I'm sure no one will notice." Poe said to Tara.

"He's talking about me isn't he?" Xander said, "I know that little runt talks about me!"

Tara looked like she was about to say something before Willow took her hand.

"Come away from the bad man sweetie." Willow said, her hand lighting up and creating a swirling vortex in the center of the room, "We'll see you guys a little later okay?"

"Take care. Try not to get focused on by supervillains like when I'm there!" Dawn said waving.

A moment later, the portal was closed and the two Wicca were gone.

"I'll never get over how cool that looks." Kennedy said.

"Eh, you see one mystic portal opening you see them all." Mary shrugged.

"You've just seen it all haven't you?" Kennedy exuded bad attitude towards Mary.

Mary just smirked.

"I've seen my Willow in a tight red corset, so yeah, I guess I have." Mary replied.

"…Tell me more?" Kennedy asked.

"Yes…do go on." Xander said, immediately curious.

"Xander!" Dawn said accusingly.

"What?!" Xander shot back.

Mary shook her head. Same old gang. Then her ears caught something.

"You might want to answer the door." She said.

"Why's that?" Xander asked, before the doorbell rang.

"Vampire hearing." Mary said.

Xander sighed and trudged for the door with a grumble. He opened it and found an odd sight on the other side. A very eerily smiling Buffy on the other side.

"What's up Buff? School canceled?" he asked.

Buffy just looked at him for a second before speaking.

"Alexander Harris?" Buffy asked.

"Uh, last I checked Buff." Xander nodded.

Buffy's fist impacted his face and sent him sprawling down past the stairway.

"You have been targeted for extermination by Emperor Warren the First. All hail Emperor Warren!" Buffy said walking into the house and looking around.

She focused on Dawn.

"Dawn Summers? You have been targeted for extermination by Emperor Warren the First. All hail Emperor Warren!" Buffy said again before examining Kennedy and Mary, "Unknown accessories. Eliminate."

"Robot?" Mary asked, raising an eyebrow.

Dawn focused her energies, making her eyes and hands glow green. Green energy issued outwards at "Buffy" as she walked towards them. She spasmed and stopped dead in her tracks. Dawn examined the hole in the statue-like form of her sister.

"Yep. Robot." Dawn replied.

"You guys fight robots?" Kennedy asked, standing up.

"I hate robots." Xander said from the floor in a broken, pain-filled voice.

"Buffy" spasmed again and suddenly backhanded Dawn to the floor, damaging her already injured nose further. Kennedy threw a Judo chop at "Buffy", but had she even been at full strength it would have done nothing. "Buffy" merely absorbed the blow and picked up Kennedy by the throat, choking her.

Mary sighed and went into her game face. She tensed and roared as the ropes about her began to snap. She sighed again. Like ropes could really hold her if she wanted out. Chains, yeah. Handcuffs, maybe. But not ropes.

"Hey there Buff," she said standing, "You're going to have to put her down cause if you kill her on my watch it kinda makes it hard for me to get into her Willow's pants."

"Buffy" regarded Mary and dropped Kennedy on the couch.

"Identification: unknown. Species: vampire. Plan of action: eliminate." The Buffy-Bot said throwing a kick.

Mary jumped backwards and threw a left, which was just a feint for her right hand to crash into the Buffy-Bot's face. She went stumbling back.

"First thing dad ever told me was to always keep 'em guessing." Mary said popping her knuckles.

"Sounds like something I'd say." Spike said leaning against the stairway.

"Hey. Wanna help?" Mary asked.

"You have to tag me in first." Spike replied, with a slight smile.

"Eh. Not yet. Help Harris out though." Mary replied, as she tackled the Buffy-Bot into the dining room table.

"I fail to see as to why." Spike replied.

Mary headbutted the Buffy-Bot before getting thrown back out in front of Spike.

"He might be hurt." Mary replied on her back, flipping the Buffy-Bot as it came forward.

"Again, I fail to see your logic." Spike half-laughed.

"You guys really are different here." Mary said.

"Guess so. Ten o'clock by the way."

Mary moved out of the way of a thrust kick and threw a spinning kick of her own. The Buffy-Bot caught it however and twisted her ankle sickeningly. Mary howled in pain before the Buffy-Bot pushed her backwards at Spike's feet. Its eyes then settled on him.

"Spike. AKA William the Bloody? You have been targeted for extermination by Emperor—"

Spike just punched the machine with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just go you stupid chit. This is the best way to take out frustration on Buffy since trying to kill the real thing is out of the question now."

"Or laying her." Mary added, sitting up.

"Or laying her." Spike replied.

"Less sex…more fight." A still dazed Xander said as Mary tried to drag him away from the action.

Spike lured the Buffy-Bot forward and nailed it. Immediately he began to run his pros and cons in this battle. On the one hand it was easily as fast and strong as his Buffy, maybe stronger since it was a robot. Seemed to have pretty well programmed fighting skills too. It was hard to hurt and wouldn't tire either. Spike was also in a sort of a bind. He didn't have a lot of room to maneuver and it was day outside.

On the other hand, Robo-Bint here was already damaged and may stop working at any moment. She also lacked the imagination that the real Buffy had. He'd beaten tough Slayers before. This one shouldn't be any different.

Spike dodged a right, then a left, and backed away, grabbing a picture from the wall as a shield. The next punch came through the picture of Buffy's father and Spike imagined his Buffy wouldn't much care. Bleedin' low life. Anywho, Spike backed into the kitchen finally getting some freedom of movement. He threw a kick at the Buffy-Bot that sent it into the counter. It backhanded him as he tried to follow up and flipped him on top of the counter. Spike barely dodged the fist that came down, leaving a broken indent into the tile. The vampire thought quickly and grabbed a frying pan and nailed the Buffy-Bot in the head again and again and again, sending it reeling. Spike leapt off the counter and looked at his weapon.

"No wonder Anya used this in fights. It's not a sword, but it'll do." Spike mused before smashing the Buffy-Bot in the head again.

Rubbery skin broke and parted, showing the metal components underneath and Spike just smirked.

"Lots of iron in your diet I see." Spike said, before closing his eyes and growling, "I have been living with the Slayer for entirely too long."

The Buffy-Bot took that time to headbutt Spike and slam him into the wall by the backdoor. Spike's hand went beneath the blinds on the door in the impact, rays of light hitting his bare hand. Growling in pain, Spike brought his hand up and struck the Buffy-Bot in the head over and over again.

"That! Bloody! Hurt!" he said, throwing a hard punch with every word.

The Buffy-Bot stumbled back slightly and seemed to be processing something.

"Searching for vampire weaknesses. Searching. Found: sunlight." It said cheerily as it reached for the doorknob.

Spike's eyes went wide with fright and he dove for the doorknob. The Buffy-Bot opened it before he could and slammed the door into his face before kicking him outside onto the back porch. Spike roared in agony as his flesh began to smoke and catch fire. He tried to shield himself from the damned light with his duster, but he just received a kick to the ribs each time. Not that it mattered. He'd be ash in a moment or two anyway. Well by God, he'd go out with a fight.

Spike stood and went into his game face, burning and smoking before punching the Buffy-Bot weakly. She nailed him with a punch that put him on the ground. Spike's world was spinning. He was soaked in pain and hadn't the strength to move. This could suck quite a lot.

That's when he heard the roar. That's when he barely saw the Buffy-Bot fly forward and roll to the ground. That's when he was lifted into the air. That's when he looked up into the golden eyes of a fanged goddess and suddenly felt very randy despite the mind numbing pain and burning.

"I got you! Just hang on baby!" Mary growled as she ran with him and burned herself. They made it up the steps and just barely stumbled inside onto the kitchen floor. Mary collapsed with her load.

"You…saved me…" Spike said weakly.

"Duh." She said, kissing him full on the lips.

Spike sank into the coolness of her lips and enjoyed before jerking away suddenly.

"She's back!" he shouted as the Buffy-Bot began to walk into the doorway.

The Buffy-Bot looked at them and actually growled before preparing to advance on the wounded vampires. Then it stopped suddenly and sputtered. It could have been because of the axe Xander just buried in the back of its head. The Buffy-Bot turned and looked ready to strike at Xander. Then it just fell flat on its face. Xander looked relieved.

"Way to go bro!" Mary laughed as she lay back, going to her human features.

"Well, I just thought I'd get it in a pincer attack ya know. So I grabbed one of Buffy's spare axes and went out the front door and came around back. Pretty clever if I do say so myself." Xander said proudly, "I'm just glad it worked."

"See….now that's why my Dru turned him." Mary laughed again.

Spike laughed weakly.

"Yeah, she does seem to have a history of turning little wankers into badasses." Spike replied.

"I'll ignore that comment and move onto how and why you got a new sex-bot built." Xander replied, closing the backdoor.

"I didn't do it!" Spike shouted, crawling to the fridge to get some fresh blood.

"Sex-bot?" Mary asked, still lying there.

"Never ask." Spike replied.

"Well if you didn't have it built where did it come from?" Xander asked.

"No clue. Go check on the Bit and the bitch." Spike said, pulling a large pitcher from the fridge.

Xander sighed and walked out of the room.

"Vampires. I swear to God." He sighed.

"Thirsty?" Spike asked Mary.

"You kidding? Haven't had any blood all day. That and I'm kind of injured now so yeah…I'll have a drink." Mary said, sitting up.

"Alright. I'll get us some glasses. I think this is pig." Spike said, standing weakly.

"Pig? Ew." Mary said.

"Yeah I know, I know. But I'm past the killing."

"You should try blood banks. That's where we get a lot of ours."

"Ah. May give that a go."

"Yeah because human blood tastes a lot better."

"More addictive though. Makes it harder to keep from killing."

"Eh. I walk the edge."

Mary smirked.

"You want me to fix us some drinks?"

"Like what?" Spike asked, eyebrow raised.

"A Bloody Me."

"A Bloody you……ohhhhh I got ya." Spike smirked.

"And then maybe we could slip some liquor to Dawnie in there too." Mary smirked back.

"You're evil."

"I am."

"Think she'd like vodka or rum better?"

"Rum. Definitely rum."

* * *

Deep within his Sanctum Sanctorum, Dr. Stephen Strange meditated. He was currently floating on the air, his eyes closed, and engaging in the most strenuous mental activity a Sorcerer Supreme could ever hope to be involved in. Slowly, he thought his strategy through and immediately smiled knowing success was only a few seconds away. He began to speak, powerful words respected throughout the myriad dimensions.

"Got any threes?"

"Go fish." Wong replied.

Dr. Strange opened his eyes and sighed.

"I fear my expertise at this game may have faded." He said.

"I still don't have any threes so go fish."

"Maybe you should try for Uno." Willow said as she entered the room, with Tara and Poe behind her.

Dr. Strange turned.

"Willow, Tara, good morning. To what do I owe this visit?" Dr. Strange asked, as he stood on the ground.

"Well, we have a situation." Willow answered.

"Dire?"

"Potentially."

"Ah. Tell it to me mentally. We'll save some time that way." Dr. Strange stated.

Willow just put on her resolve face and began to sum up the whole issue with Mary in her thoughts.

"I see. That is interesting." He began, stroking his goatee, "Wong would you prepare us some tea?"

"Of course. Perhaps the ladies or even the bird would like something to eat with it assuming they haven't had breakfast. Some toast perhaps?" Wong asked, politely.

"I'm fine." Willow replied.

"Some toast for me please. And maybe another slice for Poe?" Tara replied, petting her crow.

"I'll be a few moments then." Wong said, bowing before he walked out of the room.

"So do you have any idea what it may be Stephen?" Willow asked.

"I have a few theories but none I'm concrete upon. It could be another potential crossover." Strange said as he levitated a book to himself.

"A crossover?" Willow asked confused.

"Yes. It's all rather clockwork actually. There are certain times when the strata of reality are weaker than usual. In those times it is very possible for beings from other universes or dimensions to cross over from one to another. It's even possible at times for entire realities to merge and for the universe to repair itself by making the inhabitants of those universes see nothing as being out of the ordinary. It's all very hypothetical I assure you, but I have had some experiences with other dimensions." Strange said as he through the book, "That's a Feldwar Stone by the way Tara."

Tara looked up suddenly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to snoop around." She said, drawing her hand back from the large stone.

"It's quite alright. You're as welcome here as Willow is. And please feel free to touch anything here that you wish to. I keep all my less than safe artifacts under lock and key." Strange smiled at the girl.

"So do you have any other ideas?" Willow asked, hopeful.

Dr. Strange closed the book.

"This may call for using the Orb of Agamotto." Dr. Strange replied.

"I thought it was called the Eye of Agamotto?" Tara asked.

"Well the Eye is merely my medallion. I use that for when I'm in a place in person. The Orb is more a long distanced device. Considering your town is on a dimensional portal of a certain nature, Sunnydale itself may have brought this…Mary from an alternate dimension and may indeed be blocking you from sending her back, at least from the method you were trying." Dr. Strange said, walking to a simply gigantic crystal ball in the center of the room, "Ladies, please have a seat. It may be a few moments before I can ascertain what the problem is here. Also I believe Wong is back with the tea."

"An astute observation sir. If only your card playing abilities were as keen." Wong replied, sitting a tray down on a coffee table.

"Uno's a good game though." Tara said, somewhat shyly.

* * *

"Come on. Somebody join in the fun here. You can't have all been evacuated." Vamp Xander said, walking down the halls kicking a door in and moving on when he saw no one was inside the room, "Everybody now. School's out for the summer! School's out forever! School's been blown to pieces! Or at least it will be once I get bored."

"Maybe you should get a hobby then." Buffy said rounding a corner, "Pick up collecting stamps or comics or maybe even start some Tae Bo. Fun stuff that Tae—"

Vamp Xander turned.

"Bo-oh my God you're Xander." Buffy blurted out.

"Slayer." Vamp Xander growled.

"Okay, we've been friends for about eight years now, I think you can call me Buffy." Buffy said, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Not my friend. You killed me!" Vamp Xander growled.

"Tell me about it. She has a thing about doing that." A new figure said, coming from around the corner at the opposite end of the hallway.

Buffy's eyes went wide for the second time in five minutes.

"Angel?" Buffy asked.

"Oh look. It's Willow's puppy." Vamp Xander sneered.

Angel pulled a small crossbow from his coat.

"Careful. I bite." Angel replied.

"Angel what's going on?" Buffy asked.

"Not really sure. I came in early and then all this stuff broke out." Angel replied, "I'm still struggling with the why Xander's an evil vampire."

Vamp Xander made a move and Angel moved with it keeping careful aim at the heart.

"Ah ah ah Harris. Let's not be making any sudden moves." Angel replied.

Buffy stood there and shook her head.

"Angel, what are you doing here?" Buffy asked puzzled.

Angel glanced at Buffy oddly.

"I work here. Remember?" Angel replied.

"Uh…no." Buffy said

"Honey are you alright?" Angel asked, taking his eyes away from Xander for just an instant.

It was all he needed. Vamp Xander slugged Buffy quickly as she was nearer. Then he turned and managed to catch the crossbow bolt out of the air.

"Ya know puppy, your bark's a lot worse than your bite." Vamp Xander said before moving forward.

Angel stood ready to meet him and threw a punch. It struck Vamp Xander in the head, making him take a step back. He looked confused, and quickly dodged the stake Angel had pulled at him before grabbing Angel by the arm and twisting. Angel groaned in pain. Vamp Xander smiled and then released Angel. Angel turned and punched Vamp Xander again. Vamp Xander laughed.

"You're not hitting half as hard as I'd expect." Vamp Xander said before sniffing the air, "Though it's still pretty hard…for a human."

Vamp Xander punched Angel hard, sending him sliding across the floor. Before he could move forward something metal whizzed between he and Angel and ricocheted off of a locker. It nailed him in the chest making him stumble back. He looked down at the metal ring half-imbedded in his chest. He turned to see Buffy.

"Let's see how hard I hit." Buffy said, before pulling her fist back.

Xander flew down the hall into a roll and growled as he barely regained his footing.

"Pretty hard for a human. And a girl." Buffy smirked.

Xander reached down and pulled the chakram from his chest. He growled.

"Catch!"

The chakram came whizzing at Buffy who merely stood there impassively. Her hand shot up at the last possible second and she caught the spinning disk.

"I'm pretty good at Frisbee huh?" Buffy smirked, "Now then, let's stop playing games and get down to—"

Vamp Xander took off running.

"HEY! You're not supposed to run away!" Buffy shouted, before looking down at a groaning Angel, "Angel? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Angel said sitting up slowly, "You should go after him."

"You're hurt. Since when are you…well…human?" Buffy asked.

"What are you talking about? I have been for four years."

Buffy looked at him like he had grown another head.

"Riiiiight." She said.

"Look I'm fine. I've had worse like when Dracula almost killed me. So you need to go after that guy with Xander's face and kick his ass for me." Angel said, standing.

"Yeah. Yeah, we'll talk later. Maybe you should go to the office. See if Principal Wood is alright. I haven't seen him in all this so he might be hurt." Buffy stated.

"Yeah, good idea. Go after the faux-Xander. And Buffy?" Angel said.

"Yeah?"

She was surprised by a deep, warm kiss on the lips.

"Be careful baby." Angel replied.

Buffy's eyes went wide again.

"Yeah. I'll be careful. Careful Buffy. Um…you too." Buffy said before racing down the halls wondering if this day could get any weirder.

* * *

"So then your insect reflection is really your inner self." Tara recited, expecting bizarre looks.

Wong did indeed look at her, before completely breaking down and guffawing like a madman. Tara was somewhat taken back by all this and looked to Willow, who was suppressing a smirk. Dr. Strange looked back at the laughing Wong and the others with a surprised look on his face. Then he started laughing so hard he fell off of his perch on the air.

"Even I didn't think it was that funny." Tara stated.

"It's cute." Willow replied, giggling a little, "I mean I always got it."

Dr. Strange and Wong continued to laugh loudly before finally stopping. Then starting again.

"Guys?" Willow asked.

"Yes, yes, sorry. It's just that….that….that's the funniest thing I've heard in weeks." Dr. Strange said before laughing again.

"Yes…we have no lives." Wong said, laughing again.

"Maybe we should stay on task?" Willow asked again.

"Yes. You're right. I'm sorry." Dr. Strange stated, stoically.

He regained his seat on thin air and began looking into the Orb of Agamotto. Then he started laughing again.

"Insect reflection!" he went wild again.

"STEPHEN!" Willow shouted.

"Alright, I'm done. Sorry again." Strange said before getting back to business, "Hmm interesting. The dimensional vibrations are out of synch."

"That would fall into the bad category wouldn't it?" Willow asked, as she and Tara walked to Dr. Strange's side.

"Potentially. You see any dimensional portal has its own frequency. That's what dictates when it opens and closes. The Hellmouth has a particular frequency of its own which is fairly straight forward. It opens to Hell and in return a portion of Hell opens to it as well. And it has simply enormous energy as a result. Energy that when acted upon by an outside force could pry open holes to other Sunnydale's across infinity. Matter or beings for that matter could be brought across and stranded here. As a result that could cause great problems."

"Things wouldn't be properly aligned here or in their other universes." Tara spoke up.

"How did you know that?" Dr. Strange asked.

"Nature is all about balance."

"Okay, we know what's going on, but why?" Willow asked, "What's causing that?"

"I can focus in on the source with the Orb and then I can go to Sunnydale with you and repair the damage that has been done. In the meantime, you should call your friends and have them take care of things. New ruptures into this reality will occur from time to time and to keep the process from speeding up things need to be kept exactly as they are." Dr. Strange ordered.

"No killing Mary then. I got ya." Willow replied, before digging into her purse to get her cell phone.

* * *

Buffy didn't know where Xander had gone. She had chased him down into the bowels of the school, into the absolutely labyrinth-like basement. She often wondered exactly what her Xander's reasoning was for building the foundation like this. Did he want her to go chasing monsters in the dark? Her Slayer senses were working overtime, trying to pinpoint exactly where the demon with her friend's face was. It would take all her skill and stealth if she wanted to sneak up on him. As a vampire he could smell the pheromones she gave off. He could feel the vibrations her footfalls made on the concrete. He could hear her slightest breath….or her really loud cell phone. Cursing, Buffy pulled it out and answered it very quietly.

"Hello?" Buffy said in a whisper.

"Buffy, it's Willow. We're coming up with an idea of what's going on. There's something up with the Hellmouth and its making other universes cross over with ours. That's why Mary's here." Willow's voice said on the other end.

"Yeah, I figure that's why the human Angel and vampire Xander are here too." Buffy replied.

"Vampire Xander?"

"Yeah. Remember skanky ho you? Well I think her boyfriend just came to town." Buffy whispered into the phone, "I'm hunting him in the school basement now."

"You can't dust him!" Willow shouted through the phone, "You might screw up whatever's going on and make it worse."

"Oh great. So he can try to kill me but I can't hurt him?" Buffy asked, before instantly ducking.

The piece of pipe slammed into the concrete wall behind her.

"That works for me." Vamp Xander snarled.

"Wills? I'll call you back okay?" Buffy said, hanging up her cel phone and dodging another swing of the pipe.

* * *

"Okay, I think Buffy's going to need our help." Willow said to Tara as she put her phone back into her purse.

"You think we should head back already?" Tara asked.

"I think it would be imperative. We need to go to Sunnydale immediately." Dr. Strange said, floating away from the Orb of Agamotto, "I believe I can undo the damage done there because I've found its source."

Willow and Tara looked to the Orb and each one took a gasp.

"Is that—is that?" Willow started.

"It is." Tara added, "Man this is just one of those days huh?"

* * *

"Awwww, Puppy's not getting sleepy already is he?" Vamp Willow asked as she lapped the blood from Principal Wood's bleeding chest, "Mmmm once you go black…"

Principal Wood's coughing cut her off. She cooed and pet his head.

"Awww. Puppy's not feeling very good is he?" Vamp Willow asked, "He's not even fighting anymore. I love it when they fight though. It's so much more fun when they fight. My old puppy fought for a long time. He was so brave at first. He would snarl and roar and growl and fight back. But after a year he just started to lose his fight. I'll tell you a secret too."

Vamp Willow bent down by his ear.

"It was because of that nasty old human soul. If he didn't have it…mmmm he could have shown me things. The way Master talked about him….he was so evil and yummy. He could have taught me and Xander so much." Vamp Willow said sighing, "He could have taught us how to hunt, how to hurt, how to hear little kittens that try to sneak up on us."

Amanda froze in mid-stride when Vamp Willow said that. She jumped back when Vamp Willow turned to her.

"Oh wait. Master taught us those things already." Vamp Willow said leaping off of Principal Wood.

"Willow stop! You don't want to do this!" Amanda said, holding her pencil for dear life.

"Then why do I feel like I want to?" Vamp Willow laughed, regarding Amanda's pencil, "What are you going to do? Erase me?"

Willow stepped closer and Amanda's hand shot out, catching Vamp Willow in the chest with her pencil. Vamp Willow's face turned to horror and she gasped loudly, screaming before laughing and pulling the pencil out with a smile.

"You didn't get that in deep enough, retard." Vamp Willow said, "But my teeth go in deep. Wanna find out?"

Principal Wood tackled her from behind as hard as he could and Vamp Willow snarled. She pulled him off her back and growled. He spit in her face and punched her as hard as he could. Willow's head turned and she growled violently punching Robin. He fell like a sack of bricks. She snarled when she saw Amanda run out of the office.

"Now look what you did. I have to go catch my kitten. But that's okay. It'll just make her taster yummier." Vamp Willow said, exiting the office, "Stay. Stay. Good dog."

Vamp Willow easily began to catch up to Amanda, even with heels on. Amanda to her credit turned and delivered a kick to Vamp Willow's gut, just like Buffy and Faith had taught her. Still, it didn't slow her down that much. Which is why Amanda went for the fire extinguisher and bashed Vamp Willow in the head. Vamp Willow just roared in rage and kneed Amanda in the mid section before turning around, to get a good view of her neck. She licked it.

"Mmm. You ARE yummy." Vamp Willow smiled.

"Get away from her." Angel's voice boomed.

Vamp Willow's vampire features melted away before she turned and dropped Amanda.

"Puppy." She said in child-like glee, "You're alive."

Angel stood there, holding a cross out from him like a weapon.

"You touch her again and I'll have to kill you." Angel stated, holding his cross aloft like a shield.

Vamp Willow just smiled and walked towards him.

"I'd rather touch you. All over."

"I mean it Willow." Angel said bravely.

"Yeah, well, here's the thing puppy." Willow said as she walked up and knocked the cross from his hand, "I was Jewish."

Then she spasmed as Angel got her with the stun gun. The old cross fake out worked again. Vamp Willow roared in rage and stepped back and was ready to come at Angel again when a bright light opened in the hall. Angel shielded his eyes and stepped back. Vamp Willow just growled as she looked at the light.

"Okay all I have to do now is wipe the memories of anyone who saw us come in like this and we'll be….fine." standard issue Willow said, stepping out of the portal.

Vamp Willow smiled evilly.

"Hey. It's me. And I'm not pink and fuzzy anymore." Vamp Willow said, before looking over at Tara, "MMM yummy. I want."

"Is this the evil you?" Tara asked, "Okay that was a stupid question."

"Yeah….that's her. I thought we sent you back." Willow remembered.

"What can I say? I wanted another me to be naughty with." Vamp Willow reasoned, "And now I really want to be naughty."

"Uh…well…I don't know what to tell you." Willow replied to her doppelganger.

"Wild freaky sex that starts with me draining you sounds good."

"Sorry. I may have gone through some changes since we last saw each other," Willow began, "but not ready to go evil…again."

"Aww. But it's so fun." Vamp Willow said, lunging forward.

She was very disappointed when she stopped and floated in the air. Vamp Willow pouted while the real Willow just smiled.

"Like I said, I've gone through some changes." Willow said.

"Good timing you guys, though I'm wondering where Tara got her new wardrobe." Angel stated.

"Angel's here?" Tara asked.

"Human Angel. And yeah. Tara, check on Amanda over there. Angel, I need you to help me with Robin. We should get them to a hospital." Willow ordered.

"Was just about to suggest that." Angel replied, "There are ambulances outside. And squad cars, but I figure you can Wicca away any problems they have with us leaving the scene and coming back in."

"Stephen, can you—"

"Locate Buffy and the vampire Xander she spoke of on the phone and imprison him in the Crimson Bands of Cyttorrak? Yes, I already have." Dr. Strange replied.

"Wow. This guy's good." Angel replied.

"I'll begin to arrange for transport. The sooner we get to Buffy's house the sooner we can eliminate this problem." Dr. Strange stated.

And with that, Vamp Willow just sighed. She never got to have any fun.

* * *

Needless to say the large group teleporting into Buffy's living room was quite the shock for Kennedy and Xander. They both immediately did double takes when they saw the vampire Xander and Willow.

"Is that—" Xander began.

"Yes." Buffy interrupted, "Wills go put them in the basement. Bind them there or something."

"Oh man, is it ever good to be home. Even if this isn't home" Angel said, plopping down into a chair.

"What's Dead Boy doing here?" Xander asked.

"Dead Bo…Angel is here because of the same wacky nuttiness that brought those two here." Buffy sighed.

"Wow. Dead Boy. I haven't heard that in forever." Angel mused.

"I guess since he's here things have taken a turn for the shitty huh?" Kennedy asked, pointing at Dr. Strange.

Buffy nodded.

"Apparently we have dimensions bleeding into each other and so on and so forth. Hence the Bizarro Scoobies." Buffy replied.

"That may explain the revenge of the Buffy-Bot. We kind of had a little run in with your titanium twin here. I axed her." Xander explained proudly.

"At least you didn't totally destroy it. That could get ugly for our universe and…why isn't Mary tied up in the chair?" Buffy asked.

"Oh. That. Well she kinda broke loose on her own when the Buffy-Bot came charging in here and helped us take care of it." Xander smiled to hide his overwhelming fear.

"Where is she now?" Buffy demanded.

"Well, she, Spike, and Dawn are kind of upstairs listening to music." Xander replied.

Then he could swear he saw Buffy outrun the Flash as she went up the stairs.

"-kind of prefer the Sex Pistols myself, but yeah, Billy Idol's good. Swiped my look." Spike stated as Buffy exploded into the room.

The look they gave her was basically the look that kids give when their mom catches them smoking, or drinking as it were. Spike and Mary were sitting there, still a little burned from earlier with shot glasses, a pitcher of blood, and a bottle of Castillo Gold brand rum. Dawn was also there, holding a bag of ice on her nose as she was getting ready to take a shot.

"What the hell is going on?" Buffy asked.

Spike just stared at her, before looking at Mary and Dawn.

"And don't let me ever catch you getting into my drinks again." Spike said, with hopes of sleeping with Buffy in the near future.

"Don't even, Spike. Boy you just keep pushing it." Buffy growled.

"Chill out Buffy. If she didn't get a drink here she'd get it somewhere else. It's what kids do." Mary said as she took Dawn's shot and downed it.

"Shut the hell up. If I wanted what appears to be the opinion of the revenge of Faith, I would have asked for it. Right now I'm thinking of throwing you both in the basement with my other blood drinking houseguests and hoping you rip each other all to Hell." Buffy said to them before turning to Dawn, "And broken nose or not you are in SO much trouble. I turn my back for five seconds and you're drinking. Lose the booze and get downstairs, all of you because we've got trouble on a level you would not believe."

"What's going on?" Spike asked.

"Oh nothing, the universe is about to come unraveled because of the Hellmouth." Buffy replied.

"What's causing it?" Dawn questioned.

"Funny you should ask." Buffy replied, "You are."

Mary looked at Dawn and Spike's shocked looks. She the grabbed the bottle of rum.

"Here Bit. You're gonna need the whole bottle."


End file.
